A recent nighttime nursing session.
Attention! Attention! The mommy-blogosphere is going crazy right now! Time magazine has just released a new issue with a cover image that is, according to many, “desperate,” “exploitative,” and “appalling”: a young, blond mom in skinny jeans, standing tall, breastfeeding her 3-year-old son as he stands before her on a chair. The accompanying coverline, “Are You Mom Enough?” leads into this little teaser: “Why attachment parenting drives some moms to extremes—and how Dr. Bill Sears became their guru.”
Is it sensationalistic? Certainly. Is it shocking? In this culture, definitely. But, while having your kid stand on a chair to get to your breast might be a bit of an extreme, I beg to differ that the mere act of breastfeeding a 3-year-old is. I made the decision, when Lula turned 2 years old, to let her self-wean. Part of this was Dr. Sears-influenced, but most of it was instinct. It was obvious to me: Lula likes nursing. It calms her. I enjoy that bonding time with her. Why should we rush to end it just because 98% of the people around me think we should? I still, in spite of myself, feel self-conscious about it—more and more so as Lula inches her way toward 4—and I’ve got it limited to occasional evenings and mornings, in private, when she yearns to feel closest and safest. I don’t have a problem with that. Why should anyone else?
That Time magazine—along with countless other publications—delights in using tales of “extended” breastfeeding to fuel the never-ending mommy wars is not surprising. But that other women continue to equate breastfeeding a toddler (or even an infant) to something inappropriate and sexual never ceases to amaze me.
I also did extended nursing. My son self-weaned around 2 years. My daughter self-weaned close to 4. It isn’t easy to listen to people who say, “you only need to do that for a year. that’s what all the doctors say, anyway,” and just do my own thing anyway. Thankfully I live in a place where extended nursing and attachment parenting is more normal. Still, when I went home to visit family, I was always surprised at the questions and surprise at how I was choosing to parent.
Keep up the great work, Beth!
Thanks, Linda! VT sounds lovely for groovy parenting…
I nursed my kids until they were, respectively, 2 years and 20 months. I would have gone longer, but my kids were both separation-averse and kind of shy, and it got to be too much. Every time we were in a social situation (or at the bank, or in line at the store, etc), they’d start grabbing at my shirt, and plus I was working at home so there was no break. But I am all for anyone nursing as long as it feels right to all parties involved (meaning, mother and kid). Of all the issues in the world to get upset about!
Oh yes, the shirt grabbing… Sounds like you made a great decision, Larissa. Hope you are enjoying life on the farm!
I am proud to have breast fed my daughter until she self weaned at 3 1/2. I was told today at a family party that anyone who breastfeeds for as long as the woman on the Time cover did is selfish and sick. What is wrong with people that they think the most lovely, loving, close relationship between mother and child is sick? And anyone who sexualizes breastfeeding is the one who is sick. My daughter breastfed for comfort and closeness at the end of the day, but whatever the reason, being a mother means being there for your child. Selfishness to me means not being able to detach yourself from your IPhone for long enough to engage with your child, which is what I see more and more of every time I go to a playground.
Go Lisa! I’m so proud of how you have stuck to your beliefs in the face of Jersey Shore craziness. xo